Family

The Bible is a Family Album

One of the things the Bible does is record for us events as they really took place. Since there isn't really much new under the sun (Ecclesiastes tells us that), it follows that the Bible shows us people who had similar family experiences that we might see today. People who...

Saw their children rise from obscurity to greatness (Exodus 1-2)
Were used mightily together as a couple for God (Acts 17-18)
Were active grandparents (2 Chronicles 25-26)
Had handicapped children (John 9)
Were single parents in hard times (1 Kings 17)
Had difficult times with their sons (Luke 15)
Lived as adopted children (Esther)
Lived as single adults (Paul)
As moms and grandmothers influence their children for God when the men in their families did not (2 Timothy 1:5)

We often forget that many of today's situations, while given a new twist, are as old as people themselves. God's words in the Bible give us insights as to what those people back then did right, or did wrong.

Family Statistics in Today's America

In 1800, the average family had seven children. By 1990, that figure had dropped to 1.4 (the population replacement level is 2.1).

From 1985-1989, 43% of all first births to women between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four were to unmarried women.

The cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 is estimated to range between $100,000 and $200,000 per child.

Most evidence indicates that somewhere between 1 and 3 percent of the population engages in homosexual conduct with some frequency (National Opinion Research Center, 1989; National Science Foundation, 1991; Family in America Study, 1992).

The most commonly mentioned character trait parents want to see in their children is responsibility (63%).

Two-thirds of all adults approve of spanking children.

In homes where the father lived with a teen, that father spends only fifteen minutes a week in significant involvement with that teen.

People who live together before marriage are more likely to be unfaithful to their spouses during their marriage than those who did not cohabit.

Today, even though there are 48 divorces for every 100 marriages, only about one-fourth of Americans who have been married eventually experience divorce. Divorced people tend to get divorced again when they re-marry.

[Many statistics provided by resources listed at end of this site.]

Some Ways to Irritate Your Spouse (or anyone else for that matter)

Ignore them.
Don't value their opinions.
Show more attention to other people than to them.
Close them out by not talking or listening.
Be easily distracted when they are trying to talk.
Don't listen to what they feel is important.
Don't schedule special time to be with them.
Discipline them by being angry or silent with them.
Make jokes about areas of their life.
Make sarcastic comments.
Insult them in front of others.
Correct them in public.
Raise your voice at them.
Treat them like a child.
Don't praise them for doing something well, even if it was for you.
Don't tell them you love them.
Show more excitement for work or hobbies than for them.
Be unwilling to admit you were wrong or apologize.
Be dishonest.
Ignore the people who are important to them.
Don't treat them as an intellectual equal.
Anything else that shows you really don't care!

Three Important Keys to Love

In their book, The First Years of Forever, Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins identify three essentials to making close relationships successful. They are faithfulness, forgiveness, and communication.

Seven Ways to Demonstrate Faithfulness, based on principles from 1 Thessalonians 5

Behave in faithful ways consistently. As the Bible says, "Ever follow that which is good" (1 Thess. 5:15).
Avoid doing things to offend or disappoint your mate, and don't do anything to create suspicion in their mind (1 Thess. 5:22).
Let your partner know that being faithful brings you joy; you are not just faithful out of a sense of duty (1 Thess. 5:16).
Consistently show appreciation for all the ways your partner blesses your life. Thank them for even the smallest things (1 Thess. 5:18).
Learn to be sensitive to your partner in even the smallest detail. You cannot demonstrate faithfulness if you do not "dwell together according to knowledge" of what is important to them (1 Peter 3:7).
Pray you will be faithful (1 Thess. 5:17).
Look to God, the Faithful One, to help you do what you can't do in your own strength. (1 Thess. 5:24).

Four Steps of Forgiveness

Choose, with your free will, to forgive.
Make the promise to lift the burden of guilt from the person as far as the wrong against you is concerned. Remember the person's sin no more--never naming it again to the person, to others, or to yourself.
Seal it with your behavior, demonstrating love in suitable ways with tender-hearted kindness, and doing what the Bible shows you to be right in the situation.
Trust God to allow you to forget and renew your mind with new attitudes.

When you won't forgive...

If you hold on to your resentments, they will turn to bitterness. As a result, your life will be poisoned, and others' lives too (Hebrews 12:15).
By refusing to release the burden of the other person's wrong against you and choosing to carry that burden yourself, you may become crippled in the living of life (Hebrews 12:13-15).
If you are not willing to forgive, there is no way you can expect to walk in personal fellowship with God (Ephesians 4:32; Matt. 6:14-15).

Five Keys to Building Great Communication into your Relationship

Realize you will feel free to express yourself when both of you accept one another just as you are.
You will feel understood when both of you learn to listen with your ears and hearts to one another (research indicates we only listen at about 25% efficiency).
You will be rid of win-lose arguments in your marriage when you learn what causes them and how to replace them with real communication in resolving disagreements and conflicts.
You can reduce tensions by recognizing and correcting the communication practices that cause frustration and by learning to fight the Biblical way--a way that deals constructively with anger, resentment, and hurt feelings (from Ephesians 4:25-32).
You will feel safe and secure in your relationship if you get to know one another through good communication and remain closely in touch for a lifetime.

Learning to Fight the Biblical Way (from Striking the Original Match, by Chuck Swindoll)

These principles from Ephesians 4:25-32 provide a basis for handling disagreements.

Keep it honest (v. 25). Commit to honesty and mutual respect.
Keep it under control (v. 26). Make sure your weapons are not deadly.
Keep it timed right (vv. 26-27). Agree together when it is the right time to talk.
Keep it positive (v. 28). Be ready with a positive solution after taking a swing.
Keep it tactful (v. 29). Watch your words and guard your tongue.
Keep it private (v. 31). Don't swing in public; that shows your malice.
Keep it cleaned up (v. 32). When it's all over, help clean up any tough feelings.

Recommended Resources

Secret Choices, Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins
The First Years of Forever, Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins
Strike the Original Match, Charles Swindoll
Family Shock, Gary R. Collins
Bound by Honor, Gary Smalley and Greg Smalley
Love Must Be Tough, James Dobson
Smalley Online. Resources made available from the Smalley Resource Center, under the leadership of Gary Smalley. Go to the site directly by clicking on the button below.

Focus on the Family. This organization, founded by Dr. James Dobson, is a great resource for information; some of it is free, some has a nominal cost. Their website has some great information, articles, and suggestions. To go to the site, click here on Family.org.